Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
