my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
