I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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