Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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