I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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