we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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