I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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