I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
