I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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