I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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