So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
