After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
