I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
