Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
