I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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