I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
