im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
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I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize