Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You smell like stripper and shame
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
