i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
COCAINE IS GR8
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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