The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
