Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
