haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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