don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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