was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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