I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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