I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
