I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
