you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
