Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
