so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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