You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
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happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
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Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize