3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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