you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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