Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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