Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
