Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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