you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
