Welp...herpes.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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