I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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