You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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