was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
