He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
