sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She bit a glass in half.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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