im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
