So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
