I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
