I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
