Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
