Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think my fart just growled at me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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