There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
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but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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