my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
