i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
