I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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