Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
