my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
