ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
