I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
