what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Alive.
So much puke
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
