my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
