i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize