i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
