fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
