Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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