Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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