So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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