Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I want to fling myself into the sun
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
