Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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