I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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