and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
