Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
