he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
