at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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