Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
