I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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