What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
