i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Green mimosas i think yes
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
