I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
