If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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