And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
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Do I have a choice?
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If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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