how can u be prego again
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
