Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Oh god it's open bar.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
